"It's not you, it's me"

I feel like I should be a pro at reading those messages. You know the ones that come out of nowhere from the cute/nice/sweet guy (or girl) that you've been getting to know and then *BAM* you get a message that knocks the wind out of your sails.

"Hey, you're really great, but ..." 

"I'm just not ready for a relationship..." 

I don't know about you, but my mind races with questions and I start analyzing what I said, what he said, what did I do, what did I say?! { if I'm so great why are you ending this? why did you start talking to me then?! }

Then I think, I shouldn't be this bummed, I only talked with him for a couple weeks (or only went out on a couple dates), but if your heart hurts, it hurts. It kind of feels a little better knowing that I'm not the only one in this "it's not you, it's me" club, by way of friends telling me "oh girl, I know how you feel, really", but it still sucks. It more than sucks, it hurts my heart. And it makes me sad. { I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm smad. } Gilmore Girls reference anyone?

I think I'll need a couple days to recover from the this one ... to build up my confidence to go back out there, because realistically, if I want a relationship, I have to keep putting myself out there, even if it means I could get hurt again. 

A dear friend of mine would always tell me that dating is like applying for a job. You gotta keep filling out the applications, updating your resume, and going to interviews ... even after you get the 10th or 20th rejection letter saying you aren't a good fit for the company.

So I gave myself permission to feel sad/bummed/mad/whatever today and reached out to friends at work asking for a "cheer me up" lunch where I could drown my sorrows in Red Robin Parmesan fries. Then we got Starbucks and laughed. After lunch a little of the hurt was replaced with gratitude for good friends and a sunny day, and my life didn't seem so terrible after all. And maybe in a couple days I'll find that I'm ready to be brave and talk to another guy.

In the meantime, I'm thankful for good friends who are so encouraging to me, especially when they send me texts like this ...