I feel like I should be a pro at reading those messages. You know
the ones that come out of nowhere from the cute/nice/sweet guy (or girl) that
you've been getting to know and then *BAM* you get a message that knocks the
wind out of your sails.
"Hey, you're really great, but
..."
"I'm just not ready for a
relationship..."
I don't know about you, but my mind races
with questions and I start analyzing what I said, what he said, what did I do, what
did I say?! { if I'm so great
why are you ending this? why did you start talking to me then?! }
Then I think, I shouldn't be this bummed,
I only talked with him for a couple weeks (or only went out on a couple dates),
but if your heart hurts, it hurts. It kind of feels a little better knowing
that I'm not the only one in this "it's not you, it's me" club, by
way of friends telling me "oh girl, I know how you feel, really", but
it still sucks. It more than sucks, it hurts my heart. And it makes me sad.
{ I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm smad. }
Gilmore Girls reference anyone?
I think I'll need a couple days to recover
from the this one ... to build up my confidence to go back out there, because
realistically, if I want a relationship, I have to keep putting myself out
there, even if it means I could get hurt again.
A dear friend of mine would always tell me
that dating is like applying for a job. You gotta keep filling out the
applications, updating your resume, and going to interviews ... even after you
get the 10th or 20th rejection letter saying you aren't a good fit for the
company.
So I gave myself permission to feel
sad/bummed/mad/whatever today and reached out to friends at work asking for a
"cheer me up" lunch where I could drown my sorrows in Red Robin
Parmesan fries. Then we got Starbucks and laughed. After lunch a little of the
hurt was replaced with gratitude for good friends and a sunny day, and my life
didn't seem so terrible after all. And maybe in a couple days I'll find that
I'm ready to be brave and talk to another guy.
In the meantime, I'm thankful for good
friends who are so encouraging to me, especially when they send me texts like
this ...
