Midnight Musings

For some reason I do my best thinking late at night, usually after everyone heads to bed. I come by it honestly from my father, me and him were the night owls in the family while everyone else hits the hay around 9pm ... I tell you all this because it's midnight and I'm writing, when I should be sleeping, but whatever.

A couple Sundays ago at my church we read over the Luke 2 passage. I'm going to put just a portion of the story here, but you should read the whole thing.

Luke 2 : 1 - 16 ... "At that time a proclamation was made by Caesar Augustus that all the inhabited world should be registered. This was the first census, ... Joseph went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to David’s town, Bethlehem, in Judea, because he was a direct descendant of David, to be registered with his future wife, Mary, now in the later stages of her pregnancy. So it happened that it was while they were there in Bethlehem that she came to the end of her time. She gave birth to her first child, a son. And as there was no place for them inside the inn, she wrapped him up and laid him in a manger.  [...] When the angels left them and went back into Heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Now let us go straight to Bethlehem and see this thing which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came as fast as they could and they found Mary and Joseph—and the baby lying in the manger." (Phillips)

After the pastor read this passage he drew our attention to the fact that ...

all of the story was a part of God's perfect plan.

I had never thought about it that way ... everything in that story was a part of God's plan?
* Even the whole traveling with a pregnant lady on the back of a donkey?
* Even the part of the story where they went to a town flooded with people because of the census?
* Even not having lodging reservations and having to give birth in a cave?
* Even putting a new born baby in a animal's feeding trough/manger?
* Even giving a message to some random shepherds standing in a random field?

With all these questions I had a million reasons why that wouldn't be MY PERFECT PLAN. Cause if it were me, I would have not traveled when I was NINE MONTHS pregnant, on a donkey no less ... and IF I traveled to a new place I sure as heck would have researched the destination and found a nice Airbnb to stay in because there is no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I would have shown up without reservations {homey don't play like that} ... And because I grew up on a farm, I know what animal feeding troughs look like: LOTS of animal snot, dirt, flies, and old slobbery hay. So yea, I for sure wouldn't want to put a baby, nevermind the new-born Savior of the world, in an animal trough.

But THIS WAS ALL part of God's perfect plan ... ?

Then it hit me. What if I'm missing out on a part of God's perfect plan for my life when I control things? 

You see, I'm in a season of life right now where I really don't have a lot of control over circumstances. I can see this maybe being a good thing, because CONTROL has been my silent mantra since birth. I was raised to be a strong independent & intelligent women, who takes care of myself without too much dependence on anyone -- but now that I think about it, I wonder if that gets in the way of God's perfect plan? Maybe this is happening for a reason? Maybe this is a time I can practice loosening my grip of control? 

How often do I miss the simple beauty of God's perfect plan in the form of a manger?

{too many to count}

So now, my prayer is to open my eyes to God's perfect provision, His perfect plan, and if I don't see it immediately, then I pray I can have the courage to sit and wait, trusting that He has everything taken care of, even down to the last detail, because I don't want to miss the simple beauty of God's perfect plan.

His disposal

Today I spent my morning perusing job openings online with a heavy heart. Nothing seems to peak my interest and I'm losing hope. This whole time of unemployment I've actually had high spirits and an strong trust that God has it all under control ... but today I'm a little shaky.

When I feel this way I often journal to get my thoughts on paper and pray as I write. It's a sort of dialogue with God full of questions, prayers, pleadings, and it usually ends with me saying something like, "I don't get this, but you do God. Help me." That is today.

After I spent time scribbling my thoughts, I opened the book I've been reading to today's spot.

Keeping a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot, The Supremacy of Christ
                "Sometimes I am asked to speak to young people who are toying with the idea of being missionaries. They want to know how I discovered the will of God. The first thing was to settle once and for all the supremacy of Christ in my life, I tell them. I put myself utterly and forever at His disposal, which means turning over all the rights to myself, my body, my self-image, my notions of how I am to serve my Master ... I tell these earnest kids that the will of God is always different from what they expect, always bigger, and ultimately, infinitely more glorious than their wildest imaginings.
               But there are deaths to die. Paul found that out -- daily, he said. That is the price of following the way of the cross -- of course. If our object is to save others we must be clear that we cannot save ourselves. Jesus couldn't either.
               This scares people. Yet what is there to fear when Christ holds first place in our lives? Where, other than in the will of the Father, shall we expect to find significance, security, and serenity? ... I cannot imagine a more wonderfully blessed life than mine. Faithfulness of a loving Father -- that's what I've found, every day of every week of every year, and it gets better."

God's will has always been a mystery to me, some illusive thing that every Christian should know and yet they don't. Why is that? Maybe it's because, if it's actually as if Elisabeth Elliot wrote we don't want it. It scares us. It scares me. To put myself utterly and forever at His disposal, turning over all my rights, experiencing death of dreams, hopes, or even people. Yea, I'd say that's scary stuff. And yet Elisabeth reminds us that there is no fear when Christ is present. He is the giver of significance, security and serenity which is the exact opposite of being scared. It's peace.

"... the will of God is always different from what they expect, always bigger, and ultimately, infinitely more glorious than their wildest imaginings."

Am I willing to surrender my plans, hopes, dreams, desires, expectations in order to discover the will of God?

Today, I say yes. And I will try to say yes again tomorrow and the next day. Because I have to believe that if Elisabeth Elliott, who experienced all that she did {read about her life} and still says that she "cannot imagine a more wonderfully blessed life" must be on to something. Maybe in the end surrender isn't so bad after all.

Reading this today helped me put all my worries into perspective and though I don't know what the future holds {when or if I'll get a job}, I do know from experience that God is a faithful and loving Father and that I can trust in HIM every day, every week and every year.